Did you ever notice old men wear shoes that are too big. It’s true, there’s usually about an inch between their heels and the back of the shoes. That’s why they always shuffle around. It’s not becasue they’re fragile, it’s because their shoes don’t fit. Of course it’s also possible the Velcro laces from one shoe get’s stuck to the other or something like that. I don’t actually know but they sure shuffle around a lot. What I do know is this, you’re 86 years old…..don’t buy shoes you’re expecting to grow in to.
You might wonder where I made this observation. It was at the bank where all the old bastards congregate to flirt with the tellers and pay ALL their bills. The problem is this, these days there’s ten old guys in front of me and only two tellers. Of course they want to talk about everything too, the least of which is banking. Chat is for the coffee shop. That’s just the tip of the iceberg and just when you think he’s done, the old bugger wants to update his bank book!!!!! BANK BOOK……who uses those anymore???
Apparently everyone with sloppy shoes does! And, why does this this fella still do this? Well from what I hear, he doesn’t “do” computers. Well aren’t you a rebel. You’re a bucking the system, fighting the man type of person. I’ve got a request for you, STOP…….please. Computers are here for good, there’s no going back. History doesn’t lie amigo and you should know. You’re so old you’ve seen everything twice. Let’s review what we know for sure.
Cavemen used to scratch shit on the wall to get their points across. That was a great idea but you had to invite people over to your cave to show them your stuff. Before you knew it, you were preparing the kill of the day, setting more places at the dinner table etc…..just not worth it, they never reciprocated, arrived empty handed and didn’t know when to leave. Did you ever see the Flinstones over at the Rubble’s place? Point made.
What came next? Tablets, that’s what! Remember the ten commandments? You no longer had to bring folks over to your cave to show them your wall. You could actually scratch it on a portable, flat rock and take it to their cave. That worked for a while but those things were heavy and if they fell off the donkey, they cracked.
As they say, necessity is the mother of invention,hence, the Dead Sea Scrolls. What a concept, write your stuff on a rolledup piece of light weight fabric and take it anywhere. Do you see what I mean, things evolve and times change!
These are the same people who make every debit transaction seem like a first…..kind of like landing on the moon. Have you ever been in line behind this guy?
1- Insert card backwards.
2- Put reading glasses on and try to remember PIN.
3- Slowly punch pin pad as if defusing a bomb, while covering pin pad with entire torso so nobody steals your code.
4- Never quite comprehend when the transaction is complete. (Every time they actually complete a transaction, they feel like a magician.)
5- Finally, complete transaction, put debit card away and ask, “can I get cash back?”
Listen, shit changes and we have to keep up with stuff. (unless your Amish, they realized they didn’t want to walk everywhere and agreed to ride around in buggies. Somehow they became stuck there and missed this big car thing. Obviously cars, like computers, were just a flash in the pan)
People used to poop outside in a little shack too. You don’t see ANYBODY requesting that when designing their homes do you?………
Mr. Smith the Luddite – “I’d like the hardwood floors throughout the first floor, granite counter tops and six inch baseboards. And oh yeah, we’re going to enlarge the master bedroom.”
Builder – “I’m sorry Mr. Smith, the design doesn’t allow for a larger bedroom. You see, that wall you want to bump out is actually the bathroom.”
Mr.Smith the Luddite – “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I not mention we’re eliminating the bathroom? I don’t “do” bathrooms, we’d like an outhouse.”
That’s all. I actually like old folks and I’m just teasing. According to everyone in my cave, I’m becoming one myself. At any rate, I have to go, I’m going to buy tickets for the movies tonight before they sell out. I know I can buy them on line but I don’t trust computers.